So it looks like a reality show inspired by “The Jersey Shore,” called “Brighton Beach” has been cast, picked up and will probably be filmed soon. For those unfamiliar with Brighton Beach, it’s a predominantly Russian neighborhood in Brooklyn, New York. Having grown up there, I can safely compare it to the restaurant chain Hooters. Delightfully tacky, yet unrefined. And if that sounds harsh, just keep in mind that the “Rolex” you bought in Chinatown was manufactured in Brighton, as was that “Louis Vuitton” bag. It is also home to an elevated train track, a boardwalk and beach where human Polar Bears swim each winter and many residential buildings with rents that are affordable as well as some luxury beachfront condos which are decidedly more expensive.

Being slavic myself, I assure you I am not mocking Russkie fashion. It’s a vampy look that’s a lot of fun if you do it right. To achieve the authentic Brighton look, you want to stock up on a few items in leopard print as well as a genuine fur coat. Then you’ll need a designer bag and other accessories like sunglasses and jewelry, though realistic fakes are just as acceptable as the real thing. (With the designer goods, not the fur. Why? I don’t know. It’s just how things are.) Hair should be colored. Tradition dictates this should be some shade of red or bleached blond but highlights on brown hair is sufficient as is jet black hair. For makeup, think heavy eyeliner and mascara. (Slept in looking is okay.) 

Showing legs is a must either via a teeny skirt or tight jeans as are sky high heels. The end result is, like I said hot, even if it is in a dirty girl way. And forget trying to look like you haven’t tried too hard and just woke up messily perfect. Brighton Beach would not become the Counterfeit Capital of the world if its inhabitants were interested in doing things half-assed.

Finally, look in the mirror and appreciate. After three hours of putting yourself together, you certainly deserve to be worshipped.